Koppaberg Pear

After the last review, I am sat here hoping that this pear cider has little in common with its alcohol free cousin. Or that there is an emergency down t' pit that requires me to leave the house immediately... or perhaps a product recall effective right away. OK, rationalising things I should just get on with this.

The bottles are identical to look at (OK, the words alcohol free are not on this bottle - it is 4.5%. I must say up front that, if it does turn out like the other one it is going down the sink... and I will have found a drink to use as an example of alcocider - which I shall use to compare with the real thing as often as I dare.

Having done the label to death on the last review, I am stuck for something interesting to say about Koppaberg. OK, they are made in Sweden - which must have a very different tradition of making cider than we do in the UK. This strikes me as curious - since HMRC only govern the ingredients of a drink they have no real control over what can be called cider as long as the ingredients are there. And their list of ingredients is both far too long and far too subjective to be of much use. No wonder so many faux ciders can call themselves such. Sadly, also HMRC have very little jurisdiction over what calls itself cider at all - that is for Trading Standards. So there is quite a lot of disjointed thinking going on. I say that in support of my suggestion that the industry ought to police itself more - here is the link in case you missed it.

Koppaberg are a Swedish brewing company based in... Koppaberg - a town in which Wikipedia says there is an older population. It started making apple and pear drinks in 2003. The law that governs cider in Sweden allows anything with over 15% juice content to call itself cider... which I think probably explains a lot - 15% is an insanely low amount of juice to be putting into a cider!

OK. I have put it off for long enough. This drink pours out as ghostly as its non alcoholic partner - a slight tint of greenish yellow (makes it sound lovely, doesn't it?!) There is a much stronger smell in this drink though - again it is pear drops but I am also getting an unnatural sweetness to it. Please God, no!

Now, to taste I have to admit that this has more body than the alcohol free version. This mainly comes from a syruppy body - in no way is there any acidity or tannin to be found. Once again, it is sweet and sickly. Once again... (to me personally) it is, quite honestly, bloody horrible.

A potentially terrible question has occurred to me: is there any difference between this pear cider and the apple version... or do they all taste the same. Fortunately, probably for Koppaberg as much as me, I am not intending to find out. Not that they would really care what an English blogger has to say. But then, is this really a pear cider? It has very little in common with anything that you could say was pear cider (no, I am not going to even mention perry... it is nowhere on any scale of being remotely similar to perry). Surely, pear cider/perry should have some semblance or relation to alcoholic pear beverage in some way?

This scores 26/100 and probably only gets the extra point because it has alcohol in it.

As a footnote, I ought to point out that this drink IS an absolute masterclass in alcopops being dressed up as cider. If anyone need this demonstrated then simply try it. I don't think I need prove my case any more than that. People of the NACM - if you are listening - please, lets have something to differentiate... I mean, have you tasted this?

Koppaberg Pear - Alcohol Free

Well, this one is for all those health conscious "alcohol is evil" types out there. The sort that want to nanny and police us and stop us from being responsible adults for our own good. You know, the sort who like things like statistics that can be abused and massaged to suit their own opinions. And aren't opinions like arseholes...

I am struck by the irony of this drink too. Koppaberg is a drink not exactly tailored for the more experienced cider drinker... it is one of those drinks that sit in nightclubs and pubs who don't really care too much about the cider they lay on, as long as they can get it cheaply. I know, a bit harsh, but lets face it; any drink that advertises itself as premium and happily sits alongside WKD etc. (with all its various flavours) is kind of lining itself up with the alcopop world.

So, what is ironic then? Well, Koppaberg is targeted at the aspiring young... those who wish to develop their tastebuds but think that this kind of thing is still 'totes amazeballs'. And this one is alcohol free. Come on... there has to be something ironic about this... the Swede's have a sense of humour, don't they?

To some degree, if Koppaberg is on the edge of what I see as cider (I know, it says cider on the bottle... premium cider actually... its just a label, it doesn't necessarily mean anything!) then this ought not be... except that it says it is on the label. But then, I wanted to compare the non alcoholic version to the alcoholic version. So I have both to try... one after the other. This way I can get a true reflection on whether this unleaded version is a true reflection of its leaded colleague.

Looking at the label, I do have some high points for you. The company refer to themselves as a "family owned brewery". And there I was, thinking that it was only journo's who couldn't be bothered to tell the difference between brewing beer and making cider. The other thing that made me stop for a second was, "fermented using naturally formed soft water..." Pardon? Say again? OK, taking aside the naturally formed soft bit (which is weird enough)... is this a mineral water drink? Is that what the Swedes think of cider? Oh dear.

To see in the glass, this drink has virtually no colour at all - a greeny yellow tint is about as far as I can go with it. Also, it is foamy and sparkling - though with very little smell to it. I am getting some pear drops - but really not much else.  So far, it fits with the idea of it being a mineral water drink. Let's taste it.

Aaaaagh. Sugar rush! There is something cidery or peary about it... though trying to get past the sweetness is all but impossible. There is very little character other than candy - certainly nothing that I can use to compare it to other pear ciders... let alone perries. And that, I am afraid, is how it stays the whole time. I wouldn't say it isn't challenging or balanced - I am finding it very challenging and unbalanced to be honest. Just not in a good way (for me).

I can, in all honesty, say that this is my first and last time of trying Koppaberg Pear Alcohol Free. The only plus I can see about this is that it is alcohol free... the drink itself is incredibly sweet and quite frankly nasty. In fact, it is the only reason I could see anyone drinking it is for the bottle... is that what this is reduced to?

For anyone seeking to discover perry from the point of drinking this: start with Magners or Bulmers. It has much more flavour going on. I fear that an Olivers may have too much flavour and character at this stage... however, please move on from this. Try one of those mineral waters with 'a hint of'... they are better than this!

A score of 25/100 means that this may well be the lowest scoring drink I have tried so far. I need a drink of water just to clear my palate!

Koppaberg Apple Cider

Before one comments on something, one must try it. Not only that, one must try to be as objective as possible about it. Whilst there are many who would find this a bridge too far, I have to say that I have tried to live by it - though the WKD nearly put me off.

One of the important things to note about this particular cider is that it is like Magners - its everywhere! Its also quoted as a favourite quite a lot. Admittedly, its usually the berry variety that gets the vote and to be honest I was surprised to find an actual apple version (and I am not going to be drawn into the 'what is cider' argument again, especially as I am in an objective frame of mind:-)

Genuine Swedish Cider... that's what it says on the bottle. It also says that it is made to an old swedish recipe. Okay (slight swipe alert!!) what recipe is that then... shurely its apples???!!! One thing I have learnt about cider is that the recipe is pretty simple (although not all apples make good cider!)

Its quite frothy, but not excessive. Its insanely pale too. Not water colour, but a very light straw. My guess is that there is little cider apples in it. The smell is boiled sweets (surprise) and very sweet. Its not completely artificial though, with an apple juice smell too. Neither are particularly characteristic of cider, but there you go.

Now, the taste. Bloody hell its sweet. More boiled sweets, fizz and well, sweetness. It drowns just about everything else out. Think of a popular sparkling apple juice brand (with 'ize' in the name), add about a kilogram of sugar and you are just about there.

Nothing overpowers this. Not in the smell, taste or aftertaste. Its all sweets and a bit of juice. Maybe the 'old recipe' is to make cider out of boiled apple sweets... I am sure it could be done

OK, I have tried it now. There is an awful lot more interesting and exciting ciders to choose from - even on the most basic of supermarket shelves I am sure. It does beat WKD though.